Breaks my heart.

[Duffster]

I think it has gotten worse and I think the reason is that there are so many self-centered parents that aren't involved with their children.

I was bullied a ton in grade school, that all changed when I hit a growth spurt and the bullies left me alone. I never had an inclination to bully, but that's because my parents raised me to be a tolerant, understanding and compassionate person.

If you don't know that your child is a big bully, it's your fault as a parent. The least you can do for the future is to teach your kids to be tolerant of others.

Duffster

[Geekyfanboy]

Like I've always said.. kids are not born with hate in them.. it's taught.. from parents, friends, relatives... the people they are surrounded by.

[QuadShot]

Ok, I wasn't going to chime in on this topic because oft times when I do on these sensitive matters, I tend to put my foot in my mouth and offend someone. But, I do have something to say, plus I'm getting close to 1,000 posts and want to pad my numbers a bit :)

For those who know me personally or have seen photos of me, you'll probably think this is bunk, (I am fairly large, played football most of my life in school and semi-pro teams, was a bounty hunter for a couple of years and competed in the Scottish Highland Games - Heavy Athletics),  but when I was young, I was bullied a LOT, not only by schoolmates, but both of my older brothers. I was a chubby kid and had a bit of a stuttering problem, so you can imagine my hazing was relentless. Now, mind you this was during the 1970's, so life was different then. I grew quite the horrible complex because of the bullying I was subjected to, and became very much an introvert, shy and not confident in myself at all. In fact, it was partially due to the ongoing bullying that I became the sci-fi nerd I am today!

As life went on, my father taught me that I could do something about this crap, and talked me into trying out for my Jr. High School football team. I was a natural it seemed. My dad encouraged me constantly but never really went after the kids bullying me or their parents, or even my brothers. But he did teach me that I could change things and not allow "them" to beat me down mentally. Eventually I grew out of my "baby fat" and grew into an athlete and the bullying stopped. But the "scars" never left me, and honestly, I'm glad they never did.

I hate bullies. Period. They obviously have issues of their own that they just cannot address, and the only way they can feel better about themselves is to make others miserable. We ALL encounter bullies of some sort in our lives. That just sucks but it is what it is. My situation, although very unpleasant, wasn't nearly as bad as some of these poor kids. Never once did I envision that ending my life would make things better. Never once did I envision that taking a gun and opening fire on others would make things better. But then, I had a father who showed me how to turn that CRAP into a fire that would help me make things better. I feel great empathy and sympathy for anyone who is bullied. I wish there were a way to stop it, but honestly, all we can do is offer counseling and a watchful eye. It doesn't matter how tough we make our school policies, as was stated somewhere here, there's only so much that can be done. Sure, we can eliminate bullying at school, but that won't stop the bullying everywhere else. Thanks to our terrific technical advances, we've opened the door to a whole new world of bullying - cyber bullying.

I agree that we need parents to get more involved with their kids and stop being spectators. I was lucky. My dad cared.

Sorry for the very long look into my past, and I'm sure many of you are looking for a refund on the last 10 minutes of you day! :) I just felt compelled to share. Sorry :)

[Rico]

When I said things are better, I was speaking strictly from a school standpoint.  And I'm also speaking over a longer time period, compared to say 20+ years or more ago (not the last few years).  Schools are much less tolerant these days, mainly due to legal issues.  I hate to describe to you what things were like in Detroit during the 1960's.  Of course, things vary from place to place - town to town.  But always keep in mind it's a combined group effort and there is responsibility on everyone:  schools, parents, and the kids themselves.

[QuadShot]

You're absolutely right Rico...

[ElfManDan]

I got bullied a lot myself in middle school and junior high. The words weren't as much an issue. It was the actual getting pushed around and locked in lockers once or twice (it's really sucked being small for that reason). Funny thing about it is now all the people who bullied me are living really messed up lives and I'm way stronger and capable than I was then. They wouldn't dare try anything now or they are really, really stupid.

I do remember high school though. The first greeting I got many mornings when I arrive was the middle finger. I just ignored everybody who did that stuff and eventually they began to leave me alone. And I started surrounding myself with big footballer friends. High School for me was actually easier and one year on the wrestling team helped too make me more confident in defending myself.

[KingIsaacLinksr]

I didn't get bullied as much, probably due to my brooding and tall stature.  (me, brood?  Nahhhh ;))  That isn't to say that it was all roses and fairies though.  What kept me going is the knowledge that those same people would struggle to keep a McDonald job while I was doing bigger and better things.  The bigger and better hasn't happened yet, but those same people are:

arrested/in jail
dealing with a bad marriage
totally broke
have kid(s)
etc

I don't think anyone avoided that.  So, what goes around, comes around.  And I'm stronger for it. 

King

[Bryancd]

We also need to consider that as a species, we are likely genetically predisposed towards aggressive behavior towards others when we are young, growing, and under hormonal stress. It's easy to rationalize and intellectualize all of this as adults, but that reasoning is far beyond their ability in adolescence.

[X]

We also need to consider that as a species, we are likely genetically predisposed towards aggressive behavior towards others when we are young, growing, and under hormonal stress. It's easy to rationalize and intellectualize all of this as adults, but that reasoning is far beyond their ability in adolescence.

Agreed. At it's most fundamental level, bullying appears to be establishing a pack pecking order. To avoid being at the bottom of the pack, humans, like animals, attempt to put someone else there. It doesn't make it right by any stretch of the imagination, but that's what we're facing. No one wants to be last and young minds tend to deal in absolutes in some of these cases. If they have it bad, they have it the worse and adults can't understand.

Sadly, we can't. We went through the fires, gained our scars, and most of us have healed a bit from them. As much as we'd like to say we know what these kids are going through, we don't. We are blessed that our minds protect us from that pain as time goes on. Sure, we can remember the bad times, but we'll never remember exactly how bad those times were. We're not built that way for the most part.

Most humans have the need to be accepted and the desire to run with the pack. Most of us don't want to be at the bottom of the social ladder. Some can be comfortable as the lone wolf, but everyone, in my experience, craves some sort of human contact.

Logically, we should be able to crush bullying because we have some understanding of the pain it causes, but at the ages involved, we are usually these raw masses of nerves and emotions. Logic has little place in the mind of growing children. They will push and push at the wall of society just to see what they can get away with.

It sucks, but we already knew that. I don't think that hate is even the driving factor of the bullies, I think it's the desire to not be last or to better yet, be first. It's the people that are first that get the accolades, the girls, and the thrill of victory. However, for someone to be first, other people have to be last. Sports and other competitions be it drama, or intellect competitions tend to quench some of these group desires, but when these various groups meet, none of them still want to sit at the bottom of the pecking order.

As I said before, I don't know how to fix this. The only way I survived was because I knew I was better than the people around me and they couldn't compete. Regardless if that was true or not, in my world, I was the alpha and everyone else was just trying to reach my position. That worked for me, but it doesn't work for everyone. It's like the only person that can take away the power of a bully is the person that is being bullied. The problem is that few kids think they they have that power. The pain runs too deep and they can't see beyond the darkness.

I just wish that we knew of a way to fix this because it's never going to change as long as humans have emotions.

How do you empower a victim that truly believes that they have no power?