TREKS IN SCI-FI FORUM

Crew Lounge => Conversations => Topic started by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 04:26:29 PM

Title: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 04:26:29 PM
Monty Python quotes...I noticed recently that they can take off in a thread, and think they deserve their own place.  :)

Since I ended the last Monty Python "off-roading adventure" with a line involving the quote, "I fart in your general direction"... I'll start the thread with this line:

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 04:28:45 PM
"NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again."
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 04:32:28 PM
"THE COMFY CHAIR?"

"The Comfy chair!"
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 04:33:03 PM
I like traffic lights... I like traffic lights... I like traffic lights, but only when their green....
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 04:45:14 PM
this sounds like a job for... Bicycle Repair Man...but how to change without revealing my secret identity?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 04:48:30 PM
Is it a Quantity Surveyor?

Is it a Church Warden?

No! It's BICYCLE REPAIR MAN!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 04:50:45 PM
Hint-hint, nudge-nudge, know what I mean? Know what I mean?

Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 04:52:19 PM
ARE YOU INSINUATING SOMETHING !!!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 04:53:29 PM
Em... that sounds good. Anyway just have a look... take your time. Oh, er by the way - got a bit of a dirty fork, could you ... er.. get me another one?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 05:00:30 PM
jen i could go forever with these
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 05:08:50 PM
That's what this thread is for. :D

BUT I DON'T LIKE SPAM!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Bryancd on September 20, 2008, 05:09:29 PM
"THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!"
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Bryancd on September 20, 2008, 05:11:05 PM
This is Mr E. R. Bradshaw, of Napier Court, Black Lion Road, SE5. He cannot be seen. Now I'm going to ask him to stand up. Mr Bradshaw will you stand up please?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 05:15:23 PM
Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 05:17:21 PM
One day Ricky the magic Pixie went to visit Daisy Bumble in her tumbledown cottage. He found her in the bedroom. Roughly he gabbed her heavy shoulders pulling her down on to the bed and ripping off her..
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 05:20:17 PM
Is she a goer? Does she go? Hint-hint, nudge-nudge.. know what I mean? Know what I mean?

SAY NO MORE!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 05:23:43 PM
is she into games....

yes she likes cricket
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 20, 2008, 05:28:07 PM
I never wanted to be a barber anyway... I wanted to be a LUMBERJACK!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 05:29:54 PM
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay.... I work all night and I sleep all day!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Data on September 20, 2008, 05:30:02 PM
Yes! Whenever bicycles are broken, or menaced by International Communism, Bicycle Repair Man is ready!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 20, 2008, 05:44:42 PM
Look, I came in here for an argument!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 20, 2008, 05:50:58 PM
Oh... oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: moyer777 on September 20, 2008, 08:46:48 PM
and now for something completely different.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 20, 2008, 09:43:16 PM
It's...
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 21, 2008, 02:38:29 AM
He's not the Messiah.... He's a very naughty boy
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 21, 2008, 02:41:22 AM
Presenter: One small-time operator who fell foul of Dinsdale Piranha was Vince Snetterton-Lewis.

Vince: "Well one day I was at home threatening the kids when I looks out through the hole in the wall and sees this tank pull up and out gets one of Dinsdale's boys, so he comes in nice and friendly and says Dinsdale wants to have a word with me, so he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape round to Dinsdale's place and Dinsdale's there in the conversation pit with Doug and Charles Paisley, the baby crusher, and two film producers and a man they called 'Kierkegaard', who just sat there biting the heads of whippets and Dinsdale says 'I hear you've been a naughty boy Clement' and he splits me nostrils open and saws me leg off and pulls me liver out and I tell him my name's not Clement and then... he loses his temper and nails me head to the floor."

Interviewer: He nailed your head to the floor?

Vince: At first yeah

Presenter: Another man who had his head nailed to the floor was Stig O' Tracy.

Interviewer: I've been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.

Interviewer: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn't he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Interviewer: What had you done?

Stig: Er... well he didn't tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that's good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn't *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He'd do anything for you, Dinsdale would.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on September 21, 2008, 06:30:54 AM
...I see. Well, of course, this is just the sort of blinkered philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist. You excrement, you whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic secret handshakes. You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 21, 2008, 06:35:19 AM
I'm sorry for the mammoth size, but It's worth it. One of my faves.

The Players:
    John Cleese - Mousebender;
    Michael Palin - Wensleydale;
The Scene:
    An Edwardian-style shop which carries the signs:
    'Ye Olde Cheese Emporium';
    'Henry Wensleydale, Purveyor of Fine Cheese to the Gentry and the Poverty Stricken Too';
    'Licensed for Public Dancing';
    Two men dressed as city gents are Greek dancing in the corner to the music of a bouzouki.
    Mousebender enters.

MOUSEBENDER:
    Good Morning.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Good morning, sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Ah, thank you my good man.
WENSLEYDALE:
    What can I do for you, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
    Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmond Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herries by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Peckish, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
    Esurient.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Eh?
MOUSEBENDER:
    (In a broad Yorkshire accent)  Eee I were all hungry, like.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Ah, hungry.
MOUSEBENDER:
    In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, 'a little fermented curd will do the trick'. So I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Come again?
MOUSEBENDER:
    I want to buy some cheese.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bouzouki player.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Oh, heaven forbid. I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Sorry?
MOUSEBENDER:
    (In a broad Yorkshire accent)  Ooo, I like a nice tune - you're forced to.
WENSLEYDALE:
    So he can go on playing, can he?
MOUSEBENDER:
    Most certainly. Now then, some cheese please, my good man.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Certainly, sir. What would you like?
MOUSEBENDER:
    Well, eh, how about a little Red Leicester?
WENSLEYDALE:
    I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Oh never mind, how are you on Tilsit?
WENSLEYDALE:
    I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir. We get it fresh on Monday.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Ah. It's been on order, sir, for two weeks. I was expecting it this morning.
MOUSEBENDER:
    It's not my lucky day, is it? Er, Bel Paese?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Sorry, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Red Windsor?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Ah. Stilton?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Sorry.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Emmental? Gruyère?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Any Norwegian Jarlsberger, per chance?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Liptauer?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Lancashire?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    White Stilton?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Danish Blue?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Double Gloucester?
WENSLEYDALE:
    ..... No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Cheshire?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Dorset Blue Vinney?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Brie, Roquefort, Pont-l'Évêque, Port Salut, Savoyard, Saint-Paulin, Carre-de-L'Est, Bresse-Bleu, Boursin?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Camembert, perhaps?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Ah! We have Camembert, yes sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    You do! Excellent.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Yes, sir. It's, ah ..... it's a bit runny.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Oh, I like it runny.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Well, it's very runny, actually, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    No matter. Fetch hither le fromage de la Belle France! M-mmm!
WENSLEYDALE:
    I think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    I don't care how fraking runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Oh .....
MOUSEBENDER:
    What now?
WENSLEYDALE:
    The cat's eaten it.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Has he?
WENSLEYDALE:
    She, sir.

    (pause)
MOUSEBENDER:
    Gouda?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Edam?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Caithness?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Smoked Austrian?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Japanese Sage Darby?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    You do have some cheese, do you?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got .....
MOUSEBENDER:
    No, no, don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Fair enough.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Er, Wensleydale?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Yes?
MOUSEBENDER:
    Ah, well, I'll have some of that.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Oh, I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mr Wensleydale, that's my name.

    (pause)
MOUSEBENDER:
    Greek Feta?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Ah, not as such.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Er, Gorgonzola?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Parmesan?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Mozzarella?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Pippo Crème?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Danish Fimboe?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Czech sheep's milk?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Not today, sir, no.

    (pause)
MOUSEBENDER:
    Ah, how about Cheddar?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Not much ca- It's the single most popular cheese in the world!
WENSLEYDALE:
    Not round here, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    And what is the most popular cheese round here?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Ilchester, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Is it.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Oh yes, sir. It's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Is it.
WENSLEYDALE:
    It's our number-one best seller, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    I see. Ah, Ilchester, eh?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Right, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    All right. Okay. Have you got any, he asked expecting the answer no?
WENSLEYDALE:
    I'll have a look, sir ..... nnnnnnooooooooo.
MOUSEBENDER:
    It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Finest in the district, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Well, it's so clean, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
WENSLEYDALE:
    You haven't asked me about Limberger, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Is it worth it?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Could be.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Have you- SHUT THAT BLOODY BOUZOUKI UP!
WENSLEYDALE:
    (To dancers)  Told you so.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Have you got any Limburger?
WENSLEYDALE:
    No.
MOUSEBENDER:
    That figures. Predictable really, I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
WENSLEYDALE:
    Yes, sir?
MOUSEBENDER:
    Have you in fact got any cheese here at all?
WENSLEYDALE:
    Yes, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Really?

    (pause)
WENSLEYDALE:
    No. Not really, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    You haven't.
WENSLEYDALE:
    No, sir, not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.
WENSLEYDALE:
    Right-O, sir.
MOUSEBENDER:
    (Shoots him)  What a senseless waste of human life.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 21, 2008, 06:37:31 AM
"Hello, I'd like a license for my pet fish Eric."
"How did you know my name was Eric?"
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 21, 2008, 07:19:17 AM
Quote from: KC on September 20, 2008, 09:43:16 PM
It's...

THE COMFY CHAIR!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 21, 2008, 07:20:07 AM
Luxury!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 21, 2008, 07:22:28 AM
What do you burn apart from witches?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 21, 2008, 08:18:58 AM
Not raw, not raw. We cook her. She'd be delicious with a few french fries, a bit of broccoli and stuffing. Delicious!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: sheldor on September 21, 2008, 09:00:29 AM
RUN AWAY !!!  RUN AWAY !!!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 21, 2008, 09:04:36 AM
Old Woman: Who are you, then?

King Arthur: I'm your king!

Old Woman:  Well, I didn't vote for you!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Rico on September 21, 2008, 10:37:45 AM
Arthur:  "You don't vote for a king."
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on September 21, 2008, 10:53:26 AM
Beautifull plumage !!!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 21, 2008, 11:08:36 AM
Help, help!  I'm being repressed!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: sheldor on September 21, 2008, 11:12:45 AM
If we took the BONES out, it wouldn't be CRUNCHY - would it ?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 21, 2008, 11:32:05 AM
Man: ... I mean, your honor.  I mean, your grace!

Woman:   I'm not your Grace, I'm your Elsie.

Man:  What a terrible joke!

Woman (crying):  But it's my only line!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Rico on September 21, 2008, 11:51:03 AM
"I can take them all on single handed.  There's only 150 of them!"
"No, it's too perilous."
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on September 21, 2008, 11:58:22 AM
We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 21, 2008, 12:07:08 PM
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 21, 2008, 12:24:08 PM
......"Are there any women here?"
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 21, 2008, 12:31:46 PM
Thou shalt count to three.  No more, no less.  Three is the number of the count, and the number of the count shall be three.  Thou shalt not count to "two," nor "four" unless proceeding to the number three.  FIVE IS RIGHT OUT!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on September 21, 2008, 11:16:05 PM
Good! good? What do you know about it? What do you know about getting up at five o'clock in t'morning to fly to Paris... back at the Old Vic for drinks at twelve, sweating the day through press interviews, television interviews and getting back here at ten to wrestle with the problem of a homosexual nymphomaniac drug-addict involved in the ritual murder of a well known Scottish footballer. That's a full working day, lad, and don't you forget it!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Darth Gaos on September 22, 2008, 12:19:33 PM
Would that be an African swallow or a European swallow?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: metron07 on September 22, 2008, 01:01:10 PM
ARTHUR:  Old crone!  Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy
  a shrubbery!
      [dramatic chord]
  CRONE:  Who sent you?
  ARTHUR:  The Knights Who Say Nee.
  CRONE:  Agh!  No!  Never!  We have no shrubberies here.
  ARTHUR:  If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend
      and I will say... we will say... `nee'.
  CRONE:  Agh!  Do your worst!
  ARTHUR:  Very well!  If you will not assist us voluntarily,... nee!
  CRONE:  No!  Never!  No shrubberies!
  ARTHUR:  Nee!
  BEDEMIR:  Noo!  Noo!
  ARTHUR:  No, no, no, no -- it's not that, it's 'nee'.
  BEDEMIR:  Noo!
  ARTHUR:  No, no -- 'nee'.  You're not doing it properly.
  BEDEMIR:  Noo!  Nee!
  ARTHUR:  That's it, that's it, you've got it.
  ARTHUR and BEDEMIR:  Nee!  Nee!
  ROGER:  Are you saying 'nee' to that old woman?
  ARTHUR:  Um, yes.
  ROGER:  Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say `nee'
      at will to old ladies.  There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing
      is sacred.  Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under
      considerable economic stress at this period in history.
  ARTHUR:  Did you say `shrubberies'?
  ROGER:  Yes, shrubberies are my trade -- I am a shrubber.  My name
      is Roger the Shrubber.  I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.
  BEDEMIR:  Nee!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on September 22, 2008, 01:48:20 PM
Father: One day lad, all of this will be yours...

Herbert:  What, the curtains?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: MouseSlayer on September 22, 2008, 04:34:20 PM
All the other kings said i was daft to build a castle in a swamp, but i did it anyway just to show them!. . . it sank into the swamp.

So i built a second one! That sank into the swamp.

So i built a third one! That burned down , fell over, then sank into the swamp,

But the fourth one Stayed UP.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: MouseSlayer on September 22, 2008, 04:37:54 PM
Hurry Sir Lancelot!!!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on September 22, 2008, 11:19:30 PM
Let that be a warning to you all. You move at your peril, for I have two pistols here. I know one of them isn't loaded any more, but the other one is, so that's one of you dead for sure...or just about for sure anyway. It certainly wouldn't be worth your while risking it because I'm a very good shot. I practice every day...well, not absolutely every day, but most days in the week. I expect I must practice, oh, at least four or five times a week...or more, really, but some weekends, like last weekend, there really wasn't the time, so that brings the average down a bit. I should say it's a solid four days' practice a week...At least...I mean...I reckon I could hit that tree over there. Er...the one just behind that hillock. The little hillock, not the big one on the...you see the three trees over there? Well, the one furthest away on the right...
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Darth Gaos on September 23, 2008, 12:36:32 PM
What, behind the rabbit?


You can call me....Tim.



Message for you sir.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 23, 2008, 12:40:02 PM
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore is not in this bit.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Darth Gaos on September 23, 2008, 12:47:39 PM
Get me a bucket.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on September 23, 2008, 12:51:19 PM
Well tell me Mr Death, is there an afterlife?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 23, 2008, 12:53:29 PM
All Brontusaurus's are thin at one end.....Much much bigger in the middle....and thin again at the other end
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on September 23, 2008, 12:56:10 PM
GEOFFREY:
    Now, look here. You barge in here, quite uninvited, break glasses, and then announce, quite casually, that we're all dead. Well, I would remind you that you are a guest in this house, and--
    [whock]
    Ah! Oh.
GRIM REAPER:
    Be quiet! Englishmen, you're all so fraking pompous, and none of you have got any balls.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Trekkygeek on September 23, 2008, 12:58:42 PM
"My brain hurts..... my brain hurts"
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: sheldor on September 23, 2008, 02:54:21 PM
I couldn't resist.  There's no way to describe this..



Ow...my stomach hurts
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Feathers on October 21, 2008, 06:15:39 AM
Telephone, Mr Hilter. It's Mr McGoering from the Bell and Compasses. He says he's found a place where you can hire bombers by the hour.
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on October 21, 2008, 11:11:50 PM
 Wiggin walks to the table on which his model stand.

Mr Wiggin
  Good morning, gentlemen. This is a twelwe-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these... 

First City Gent
Excuse me.... 

Mr Wiggin
  Hm? 

First City Gent
  Did you say knives?

Mr Wiggin
  Rotating knives, yes.

Second City Gent
  Are you proposing to slaughter our tenants?
 
Mr Wiggin
  Does that not fit in with your plans?
 
First City Gent
  No, it does not. We asked for a simple block of flats. 
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: moyer777 on October 22, 2008, 07:29:14 AM

Perhaps if we built a large wooden badger?....

Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Feathers on October 27, 2008, 08:49:14 AM
Right, now don't rush me this time. Stalk me. Do it properly. Stalk me. I'll turn me back. Stalk up behind me, close behind me, then in with the redcurrants! Right? O.K. start moving. Now the first thing to do when you're being stalked by an ugly mob with redcurrants is to

--

release the tiger!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on October 27, 2008, 02:27:42 PM
So the leg will just grow back then will it?
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: KC on October 27, 2008, 03:13:44 PM
King of Swamp Castle: Who are you?

Prince Herbert: I'm your son!

King of Swamp Castle: No, not you!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Jen on November 07, 2008, 08:41:31 AM
And now for something completely different....

You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnniggets!
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Meds on November 07, 2008, 11:13:33 AM
..it's.......................................................
Title: Re: Dueling Monty Python Quotes
Post by: Feathers on November 07, 2008, 12:42:15 PM
Stop it, this is getting silly!